I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
