I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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