Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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