He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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