she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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