Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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