I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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