the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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