Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
