he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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