I have demons in me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
