How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
