dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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