i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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