I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
