i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
