she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
