Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
