but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
