dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
