Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
