You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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