69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
nutella sex= disaster
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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