the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
