Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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