i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
