I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
