yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
