"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
