I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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