I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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