I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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