If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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