When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
