final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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