When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
