There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
