Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
