My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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