That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
don't judge my taste in strippers
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
