OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
