i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
