I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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