im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
