Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sober January is a disaster.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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