I must be too annoying 4 u.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
