I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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