we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
