1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
