wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
