she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
