you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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