Where did you get a picture of my penis
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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