I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
